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embracingcalmFair warning, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to post these personal blogcentric posts to 3weeks4dreamwidth or not but since I'm using the event to effectively use the platform more/further explore it I have chosen to do just that. Let me know if it's taboo somehow.
I expect this post will be a bit of a ramble. Even more likely, all my posts will be a bit of a ramble. At least, until I manage to get over the anxiety of actually letting myself get out my thoughts. The world has become so judgmental, or at least it seems that way when you've spent a significant amount of time in certain online spaces. I deleted those spaces from my phone which should be good for me. I'm not built for the pace and density of societal trauma bombing over there. I understand the world is messed up and I do the things I can to support positive change but I can't take in constant dread particularly at that speed and density. If I try it effects my sleep then I can't eat, I become despondent and obsessive, I cry constantly, I'm moody with my husband, I take my dog on fewer walks, I slowly begin to only take in coffee and milk and just... become very vulnerable. Anyway, as I said, that shouldn't be as much of an issue anymore.
I'm having "lady troubles" today but I would still like to get something substantial done. My house is a mess from me being ill and depressed. I'm hoping an upcoming thyroid app[ointment will help resolve the underlying issues but for now, the state of the house has become the issue. There's truly so much to do that I'm having a hard time knowing what to start with.
The thing that has been bothering me most is definitely the placement of my shrine. Currently it is located above my art work space and is a mess which isn't acceptable. You would think moving it would be simple but it's actually quite the little puzzle. It should be on the Northeast corner of the bottom floor but that's where the fridge is located in my home. The second floor northeast corner would be good too... but that's the bedroom and you aren't supposed to put the shrine in your bedroom. If I lived alone, I would put it in a hallway. I'm a rather petite woman and find that a hallway is plenty wide for a small side table with a statue and two candles but my husband is, by my account a bit clumsy and seems to think all hallways should be completely clear. Then we have a long vintage entertainment cabinet with two mural sized painting's behind it along our downstairs east wall a large patio door and my cd collection on the south side and finally my art area and stairwell against the west side room. If you can think of any other space imagine it filled with hung art so dense I can't place my devotional painting.
The point being, I'm full up. What started as maximalism has turned into a bit of a problem which seems to happen when people get sick. I just didn't quite expect it to happen to me. Silly.
hmmm... I'm glad I've typed this all out. I think in doing so I've come up with a solution: I have two ukuleles hung in the northeast corner of my living room with some plants beside it creating a partition between the living room space and the kitchen. My poof already lives in that area. I could place the shrine there. It's really the best and maybe the only solution.
Of course, right now that area has a stack of boxes in it full of art supplies that I haven't put away yet... which is a problem unto itself and if I think too much about it I won't even start moving.
Hey look at that I got myself all worked up again.
I think the best solution here might be for me to just go do it. Maybe I'll take some before and after photos and share them to celebrate the small win. Maybe when I'm finished I'll check on here for a cleaning or organizational community since getting my entire house under control is going to be essential for me to continue feeling better mentally.
Okay. gtg. Thanks for reading. Hope you're well.
*update - here’s a before and after of the space. I’m really happy with it. It's a good spot for me to continue my morning meditations (which I’ve been missing) and it only took about a half hour to make a huge change.
I expect this post will be a bit of a ramble. Even more likely, all my posts will be a bit of a ramble. At least, until I manage to get over the anxiety of actually letting myself get out my thoughts. The world has become so judgmental, or at least it seems that way when you've spent a significant amount of time in certain online spaces. I deleted those spaces from my phone which should be good for me. I'm not built for the pace and density of societal trauma bombing over there. I understand the world is messed up and I do the things I can to support positive change but I can't take in constant dread particularly at that speed and density. If I try it effects my sleep then I can't eat, I become despondent and obsessive, I cry constantly, I'm moody with my husband, I take my dog on fewer walks, I slowly begin to only take in coffee and milk and just... become very vulnerable. Anyway, as I said, that shouldn't be as much of an issue anymore.
I'm having "lady troubles" today but I would still like to get something substantial done. My house is a mess from me being ill and depressed. I'm hoping an upcoming thyroid app[ointment will help resolve the underlying issues but for now, the state of the house has become the issue. There's truly so much to do that I'm having a hard time knowing what to start with.
The thing that has been bothering me most is definitely the placement of my shrine. Currently it is located above my art work space and is a mess which isn't acceptable. You would think moving it would be simple but it's actually quite the little puzzle. It should be on the Northeast corner of the bottom floor but that's where the fridge is located in my home. The second floor northeast corner would be good too... but that's the bedroom and you aren't supposed to put the shrine in your bedroom. If I lived alone, I would put it in a hallway. I'm a rather petite woman and find that a hallway is plenty wide for a small side table with a statue and two candles but my husband is, by my account a bit clumsy and seems to think all hallways should be completely clear. Then we have a long vintage entertainment cabinet with two mural sized painting's behind it along our downstairs east wall a large patio door and my cd collection on the south side and finally my art area and stairwell against the west side room. If you can think of any other space imagine it filled with hung art so dense I can't place my devotional painting.
The point being, I'm full up. What started as maximalism has turned into a bit of a problem which seems to happen when people get sick. I just didn't quite expect it to happen to me. Silly.
hmmm... I'm glad I've typed this all out. I think in doing so I've come up with a solution: I have two ukuleles hung in the northeast corner of my living room with some plants beside it creating a partition between the living room space and the kitchen. My poof already lives in that area. I could place the shrine there. It's really the best and maybe the only solution.
Of course, right now that area has a stack of boxes in it full of art supplies that I haven't put away yet... which is a problem unto itself and if I think too much about it I won't even start moving.
Hey look at that I got myself all worked up again.
I think the best solution here might be for me to just go do it. Maybe I'll take some before and after photos and share them to celebrate the small win. Maybe when I'm finished I'll check on here for a cleaning or organizational community since getting my entire house under control is going to be essential for me to continue feeling better mentally.
Okay. gtg. Thanks for reading. Hope you're well.
*update - here’s a before and after of the space. I’m really happy with it. It's a good spot for me to continue my morning meditations (which I’ve been missing) and it only took about a half hour to make a huge change.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-28 11:54 pm (UTC)It also sounds like you might be dealing with some executive dysfunction? It’s a symptom more common in folks with ADHD, but lots of depressed people get it during depressive episodes. I know I do.
https://youtu.be/jex_NcCJw_E <— seriously, check out Clutterbugs YouTube if you’re a video person at all. She breaks complex stuff down in simple ways, and doesn’t try to make you do things that take extra steps to get use out of your stuff. I’m not ADHD, but her guides on simplifying for brains with executive functioning difficulties are freaking awesome. She also gives you permission to forgive yourself for the reasons why your house is messy, and doesn’t pretend that a messy house is a reflection of your worth like a lot of cleaning channels I’ve looked at. 😕😒😤
no subject
Date: 2026-04-29 12:11 am (UTC)I don’t use youtube anymore due to a variety of issues or I would certainly check it out.
I really am doing okay at this on my own though. I just have to fix months worth of build up from my depression.
Also, just jump the gun. No I can’t take meds for my depression due to an autoimmune illness most psyche meds make me very ill (projectile vomiting).
I just have to give myself time, avoid triggers/set aside time to deal with potentially traumatic news, and take time for lots of walks.
As I’ve mentioned a couple times, I have an apointme t to get my thyroid looked at this week. I’m showing lots of signs of hypothyroid so there’s a chance that’s been contributing to my low mood. With any hope some hormones will help.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-29 12:31 am (UTC)I can take antipsychotic mood stabilizers but not anything that messes with serotonin- for the same nauseating reason! Brains, what are you even.
Good luck with the thyroxine! I have a best friend who is never warm enough, even taking it, and gets depression too bc their doctor won’t adjust their dosage (rural doctor, who doesn’t stay up to date on the literature). So I know how hard it can be to get a mediocre doctor to listen to you when you are depressed, when it’s even harder to advocate for yourself. If you want help at all with scripts, feel free to DM me and we can workshop what to say to your care providers? My sister and some of my friends are nurses, so I’ve seen this song and dance that you sometimes have to do to get proper medical care. It may be tiresome to think of, but if your anxiety flares up around it, it can feel better to be prepared. LMK.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-29 01:53 pm (UTC)There are several family history issues and personal medical history issues to consider as well which I wrote about and then edited out.
So… I don’t know we’ll see either way. I’m scared but I’ll be here as long as I’m here and I’m okay with that.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-29 03:34 pm (UTC)