embracing_calm

I wrote a big long entry about everything I would like to do today but it ignored the fact that I really don’t feel well at all.

Instead, I’m going to just fix the area around my kitchen window. In addition to general cleaning, and organizing there are some plants i would like to hang. If there’s time and I have energy several of the plants on the counter are in unattractive plastic pots which could be switched out for something prettier.

If I need something else later or would benefit from a less taxing task as a substitute for one of these during the day I sat aside some empty terrariums I could plant.

Fair warning, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to post these personal blogcentric posts to 3weeks4dreamwidth or not but since I'm using the event to effectively use the platform more/further explore it I have chosen to do just that. Let me know if it's taboo somehow.

I expect this post will be a bit of a ramble. Even more likely, all my posts will be a bit of a ramble. At least, until I manage to get over the anxiety of actually letting myself get out my thoughts. The world has become so judgmental, or at least it seems that way when you've spent a significant amount of time in certain online spaces. I deleted those spaces from my phone which should be good for me. I'm not built for the pace and density of societal trauma bombing over there. I understand the world is messed up and I do the things I can to support positive change but I can't take in constant dread particularly at that speed and density. If I try it effects my sleep then I can't eat, I become despondent and obsessive, I cry constantly, I'm moody with my husband, I take my dog on fewer walks, I slowly begin to only take in coffee and milk and just... become very vulnerable. Anyway, as I said, that shouldn't be as much of an issue anymore.

I'm having "lady troubles" today but I would still like to get something substantial done. My house is a mess from me being ill and depressed. I'm hoping an upcoming thyroid app[ointment will help resolve the underlying issues but for now, the state of the house has become the issue. There's truly so much to do that I'm having a hard time knowing what to start with.

The thing that has been bothering me most is definitely the placement of my shrine. Currently it is located above my art work space and is a mess which isn't acceptable. You would think moving it would be simple but it's actually quite the little puzzle. It should be on the Northeast corner of the bottom floor but that's where the fridge is located in my home. The second floor northeast corner would be good too... but that's the bedroom and you aren't supposed to put the shrine in your bedroom. If I lived alone, I would put it in a hallway. I'm a rather petite woman and find that a hallway is plenty wide for a small side table with a statue and two candles but my husband is, by my account a bit clumsy and seems to think all hallways should be completely clear. Then we have a long vintage entertainment cabinet with two mural sized painting's behind it along our downstairs east wall a large patio door and my cd collection on the south side and finally my art area and stairwell against the west side room. If you can think of any other space imagine it filled with hung art so dense I can't place my devotional painting.

The point being, I'm full up. What started as maximalism has turned into a bit of a problem which seems to happen when people get sick. I just didn't quite expect it to happen to me. Silly.

hmmm... I'm glad I've typed this all out. I think in doing so I've come up with a solution: I have two ukuleles hung in the northeast corner of my living room with some plants beside it creating a partition between the living room space and the kitchen. My poof already lives in that area. I could place the shrine there. It's really the best and maybe the only solution.

Of course, right now that area has a stack of boxes in it full of art supplies that I haven't put away yet... which is a problem unto itself and if I think too much about it I won't even start moving.

Hey look at that I got myself all worked up again.

I think the best solution here might be for me to just go do it. Maybe I'll take some before and after photos and share them to celebrate the small win. Maybe when I'm finished I'll check on here for a cleaning or organizational community since getting my entire house under control is going to be essential for me to continue feeling better mentally.

Okay. gtg. Thanks for reading. Hope you're well.

*update - here’s a before and after of the space. I’m really happy with it. It's a good spot for me to continue my morning meditations (which I’ve been missing) and it only took about a half hour to make a huge change.

I’m happy to report that switching the box spring out for our tatami mats and shikibuton really improved my sleep last night. In fact, I managed to sleep in late.

We didn’t have time to totally rearrange the room by the time the carpet was dry post carpet cleaning. So, we just plopped it all on the floor where the western style bed was sitting. As such, I plan to take a significant potion of the day fixing the chaos we couldn’t manage last night.

I’ve decided that for painting I need to move back to boards and photo paper. I just don’t care for canvases I think. Nothing ends up as smooth as I want and any reductive work gets… sort of gritty when I use certain solvents. I’m not sure why I started with canvases again. I think maybe it was due to an increase in monetary resources. In my 20s when I had less access pressboard was cheap then later when I could afford canvases I switched, my art suffered and until now I didn’t really take the time to realize it might be a preference issue.