embracing_calm

I'm feeling slightly better.  It helped to write all that out. 

I'm going to take a break from working on cleaning up.  I don't really care right now.  Maybe, if John cares he can help me.  I'm too tired.  

Instead I'm going to take time to do what I want... which isn't much: take a bath using my fancy Salus bath bombs, slather myself in too much rose oil, do some plein air painting, walk my dog, watch goslings, maybe finally finish Trials of Mana.... you know, all that stuff that matters more than if your place looks good.  

The community garden got back to me.  We were offered a plot across town.  We're going to take it.  I don't know what I'll grow.  I love squash plants so maybe squash.  I love lemongrass so maybe that.  I use carrots, onion and celery in most things so that might be good too.  

Maybe just sunflowers... how I adore sunflowers.

I think I'm going to cry again. 

gtg.

 Well, my husband is off the phone from his meeting with HR.  he has not been fired.  In fact, they are going to get the several K he’s owed onto his next paycheck, apologized to him, will be paying him for all future overtime, are beginning the process of getting all other people in his position switched to non exempt overtime status and offered him several thank yous.  It was bizarre and really highlights the difference in how differently he and I are treated by establishment types.

I’m thankful for good news either way.

I’m a bit worried about tomorrow for a couple reasons. My husband has a meeting with HR and I have my doctors appointment. Hopefully the day goes alright. 💖

( photo blog 4.28.2026 )

I wrote a big long entry about everything I would like to do today but it ignored the fact that I really don’t feel well at all.

Instead, I’m going to just fix the area around my kitchen window. In addition to general cleaning, and organizing there are some plants i would like to hang. If there’s time and I have energy several of the plants on the counter are in unattractive plastic pots which could be switched out for something prettier.

If I need something else later or would benefit from a less taxing task as a substitute for one of these during the day I sat aside some empty terrariums I could plant.

Fair warning, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to post these personal blogcentric posts to 3weeks4dreamwidth or not but since I'm using the event to effectively use the platform more/further explore it I have chosen to do just that. Let me know if it's taboo somehow.

I expect this post will be a bit of a ramble. Even more likely, all my posts will be a bit of a ramble. At least, until I manage to get over the anxiety of actually letting myself get out my thoughts. The world has become so judgmental, or at least it seems that way when you've spent a significant amount of time in certain online spaces. I deleted those spaces from my phone which should be good for me. I'm not built for the pace and density of societal trauma bombing over there. I understand the world is messed up and I do the things I can to support positive change but I can't take in constant dread particularly at that speed and density. If I try it effects my sleep then I can't eat, I become despondent and obsessive, I cry constantly, I'm moody with my husband, I take my dog on fewer walks, I slowly begin to only take in coffee and milk and just... become very vulnerable. Anyway, as I said, that shouldn't be as much of an issue anymore.

I'm having "lady troubles" today but I would still like to get something substantial done. My house is a mess from me being ill and depressed. I'm hoping an upcoming thyroid app[ointment will help resolve the underlying issues but for now, the state of the house has become the issue. There's truly so much to do that I'm having a hard time knowing what to start with.

The thing that has been bothering me most is definitely the placement of my shrine. Currently it is located above my art work space and is a mess which isn't acceptable. You would think moving it would be simple but it's actually quite the little puzzle. It should be on the Northeast corner of the bottom floor but that's where the fridge is located in my home. The second floor northeast corner would be good too... but that's the bedroom and you aren't supposed to put the shrine in your bedroom. If I lived alone, I would put it in a hallway. I'm a rather petite woman and find that a hallway is plenty wide for a small side table with a statue and two candles but my husband is, by my account a bit clumsy and seems to think all hallways should be completely clear. Then we have a long vintage entertainment cabinet with two mural sized painting's behind it along our downstairs east wall a large patio door and my cd collection on the south side and finally my art area and stairwell against the west side room. If you can think of any other space imagine it filled with hung art so dense I can't place my devotional painting.

The point being, I'm full up. What started as maximalism has turned into a bit of a problem which seems to happen when people get sick. I just didn't quite expect it to happen to me. Silly.

hmmm... I'm glad I've typed this all out. I think in doing so I've come up with a solution: I have two ukuleles hung in the northeast corner of my living room with some plants beside it creating a partition between the living room space and the kitchen. My poof already lives in that area. I could place the shrine there. It's really the best and maybe the only solution.

Of course, right now that area has a stack of boxes in it full of art supplies that I haven't put away yet... which is a problem unto itself and if I think too much about it I won't even start moving.

Hey look at that I got myself all worked up again.

I think the best solution here might be for me to just go do it. Maybe I'll take some before and after photos and share them to celebrate the small win. Maybe when I'm finished I'll check on here for a cleaning or organizational community since getting my entire house under control is going to be essential for me to continue feeling better mentally.

Okay. gtg. Thanks for reading. Hope you're well.

*update - here’s a before and after of the space. I’m really happy with it. It's a good spot for me to continue my morning meditations (which I’ve been missing) and it only took about a half hour to make a huge change.

I've been neglecting this space despite the fact that it has huge potential. I'd really like to use it more regularly. So, I think I'm going to use 3weeks4dreamwidth to set a habit of using the space. There are a few different ways I feel like I can work toward that goal other than just posting more regular.

1. Practice HTML and customize my page

It would be extremely helpful for me to reorient myself with how to use HTML via customizing my page layout, learning how to add cuts, insert photos etc. I honestly don't always have something to say especially with the news being so stressful but I would like to consistently use this space as a daily photoblog. Right now, because I'm rusty on HTML the task seems a bit intimidating. I know this stuff isn't hard, I've done it before, I just need practice.

2. Find Some Communities to join or make my own

The only thing that keeps pulling me back to these social apps that I hate is the sheer number of people using them and how that makes each niche community inevitably larger and more easy to find. Since Dreamwidth skews a bit more toward fandom than lifestyle blogs folks who collect houseplants, share photos of walks, or collect physical media are fewer and further between when looking via profiles. However, the community aspect of the site implies there might be hidden Physical media, walk, and collection communities hidden in plain sight. IF THERE AREN"T I think it would be easy enough to make a Physical Media appreciation community (maybe called "Let's Get Physical"), a community focused on sharing photos and entries about walks or hikes, and/or whatever else.

3. Create some personal theme days and events

I've been depressed and it's resulted in some severe anhedonia. I'm trying to push out of it. I've made a lot of lifestyle changes to support me being happier and more productive and I am feeling beeter but I don't have an underlying routine to help me practice doing things that bring me joy. So, since I enjoy painting maybe I could create for myself a month long drawing challenge. Elsewhere I shared the stack of CDs I accumulated from each week's listening prior to putting them away. Something similar to that even is a fun and low maintenance way to share what I've been listening to.

4. Set aside time once a day to look at my reading page and comment.

This one is probably the most important because what I like most about this space is the long form format. I really enjoy reading about people's lives and exploring what other people are doing. You can't do that elsewhere and because I have spent time elsewhere I feel like my mind has equated reading with work. Isn't that sad? So, I need to actively fight against that by changing my normal.

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I think these four ideas are likely more than enough to keep me busy and gain a habit of posting here. I'm really looking forward to finally embracing this space. I remember similar spaces being very good for my mental health.

That's all I have for now. <3

 Often in the past when I have made a big list of goals like the one I made for 2026 goals will fall away throughout the year.   I have already posted about my decision to forgive making 100 pieces of paper due to a lack of gardening skills in my new climate (100 pieces  of paper means quite a lot of plant material).  Now I will be adding my sunrise photography goal to the list of abandoned goals.  

Let me explain.

i have taken photos of 4 of the 50 something sunrises (the 2026 goal) with my iPhone. I have seen slightly more than 4, I’m not sure how many sunrises I have experienced in 2026. Of the sunrises I have seen this year, the ones I have enjoyed the most are the ones that I was lucky enough to see when my phone was dead or misplaced.  It is in no way unusual for me to wake up before dawn and I already love sunrises… real ones.  When taking a photo of a sunrise with any modern phone the colors are altered in a way that makes them less subtle and ethereal.  it takes on  a cooler tone, higher saturation and an enhanced black point.  The almost alien or cartoon palette of the photo happens regardless of the setting on my phone and take a significant amount of effort to balance back in an editor.   At that point, this goal which was made to ensure I enjoy sunrises throughout the year has actually served to make them less enjoyable and in a way the high saturation photos seem to warp my appreciation for what is in front of me.

I’m not going to count this as a loss… because I never really do.  the point of each goal is to teach or reinforce something.  this showed me what I largely already knew:  it’s difficult to be truly present when staring at a screen.

He fixed the carpet. After a long drawn out fight that may have damaged our relationship we found a way to fix the issue…. He feels sad and humiliated. I feel like a complete jerk for hurting his feelings. Let us never speak of it again.

We walked Alfonzo right before bed. He’s a bit afraid of the dark so but I want to get him over it. I also walked him when I woke up sometime before 6am. He was slow and a bit stubborn but he made a go of it. I walked him back. I’m fine with that. He’s a Shihtzu… and sort of a small one at that. My phone died in the middle of taking a photo of this morning’s sunset but I still managed to get a neat photo to inspire a bit of art. I have made the inside turn of four granny squares with the yarn I’ve thrifted. It’s fairly soothing. I like it.


We plan to finish rearranging the bedroom today. There were several pieces of memorabilia we had in the front hall. When we first moved here those items in that placement helped to make it feel more like home but now it’s now needed. So, either plan to move them into the bedroom where we’ll enjoy them more.

We have two large-ish matching chairs in the living room that we’ve decided to remove in favor of floor seating. Currently the chairs mostly hold clothes or are occupied by pets. We tend to sit at the kitchen table. My eventual goal with that space once the chairs are gone is to add a handmade braided rag rug and some floor pillows. That way it will serve us better as an art space, micro dance hall and yoga studio. Having the center open will also improve acoustics when we have music on.

I’m happy to report that switching the box spring out for our tatami mats and shikibuton really improved my sleep last night. In fact, I managed to sleep in late.

We didn’t have time to totally rearrange the room by the time the carpet was dry post carpet cleaning. So, we just plopped it all on the floor where the western style bed was sitting. As such, I plan to take a significant potion of the day fixing the chaos we couldn’t manage last night.

I’ve decided that for painting I need to move back to boards and photo paper. I just don’t care for canvases I think. Nothing ends up as smooth as I want and any reductive work gets… sort of gritty when I use certain solvents. I’m not sure why I started with canvases again. I think maybe it was due to an increase in monetary resources. In my 20s when I had less access pressboard was cheap then later when I could afford canvases I switched, my art suffered and until now I didn’t really take the time to realize it might be a preference issue.